Same old stuff, sorry.

Hello, I have been slacking greatly with my blogs and this will be my last one before hitting Nigeria.

As you may have noticed from my other blogs Matthew and I have invented a 2 new games at my Church Hall. They are highly, highly addictive and that's why I keep putting video's up about them. If you enjoy watching them, great, here's 3 more. If you hate watching them then I'm sorry, hopefully when I get back I'll have some original material. Enjoy anyway.

As you can see we made a slight adjustment from last time. Now there's two people throwing trying to cause you more pain than cutting off your toes with a blunt spoon. I've also realized from re-watching these how cock eyed I am, so much so I nearly obliterate Conor's probably very expensive camcorder.

 

Matthew, cute on the outside, robot in the inside.

It would seem my friends hate me. Alsoooo, before anyone comments on how manly (or lack of manly) I am, I'm inviting anyone who would like to try this to leave a comment underneath and when I get back it will be arranged and then we'll see how you react when facing the peril of the flying balls of fury

I'm still yet to win a match with the big red balls, so we'll move on quickly.

THE BBQ. I know it was a long time ago but due to the fact I wasn't here for the week afterwards I couldn't post this video. It took 20 hours to upload onto youtube!!!!! So even if you think it's crap, boring and useless tell me it's the best thing you've ever seen. On;y people who were at the BBQ will find this entertaining I'm assuming but sure.

Thanks to everyone who came, I loved it even though my feet got sun burnt.

I was cutting hedges and proceeded to get a thorn stuck in my finger. I said to the thorn "you're a real thorn in my side" and thought to myself; who gets thorns stuck in their sides? What activity were they doing for this to happen? Running through thorn fields sideways? Surely a finger and thumb is a more common place for thorns to get lodged. This made me think of other sayings such as; "two birds, one stone" How old is that saying??? When was the last time someone went out with a bunch of stones to kill birds? Thousands of years ago?
"Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise" totally inaccurate. Here is a list of healthy, wealthy and wise people who did not obey this saying; Jay Leno- 4 hours, Madonna- 4 hours, Florence Nightingale- 4 hours, Michelangelo- 4 hours, Napoleon Bonaparte- 4 hours, Bill Clinton- 5 to 6 hours, Winston Churchill- 6 hours, Nikola Tesla- 2 hours, Da Vinci- 15mins of every 4 hours = 1.5 hours. etc.
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." Well that would be highly counter productive.
"Two heads is better than one"
 Really? How is this any better? In fact, I'm pretty sure this is worse. Look at that thing, it's literally something that would haunt you down in a nightmare.

If I don't see you before I go, I hope all goes well on the 18th with your date with destiny. I'll try and keep y'all updated as best as possible.


Bütün yaxşı
xox

The Pain that Oranges Bring

Helllllo, long time no speak. I have been rather busy organising stuff and creating the Stratford DVD so blogging had been put on hold until I had everything cleared up. On that note, to all super mega awesome Stratforders, the DVD is ready for viewing but dates just need to be confirmed on when is a suitable viewing time, however I will get back to y'all on that.

This video was recorded on Sunday 26th of June, that's how busy I've been. Anyway, after church I was standing talking to Philip McConnell outside and he informed me that he had bought bubble wrap. My initial assumption of this bubble wrap was that it was going to be an industrial sized roll of it that could cover a full body and then be able to jump out my bedroom window without any adverse effects. I was mistaken, there was enough bubble wrap to cover my lower torso and to be honest, it gave as much extra protection as wearing a jumper would. Here it is and enjoy, you sick cruel people.

Rumours and speculations have been circling that I'm not what you'd call manly and that I'm a hypochondriac. To prove this wrong, you will notice Philip McConnell was first hit with a tennis ball. Philip is a manual labourer and thus what we'd call "manly" and he was in significant pain. I was hit with an orange, which is heavier, at a much greater speed as Philip seems to be psychotic and tried to crush my insides by pulling the catapult back to it's elastic limits, and I wasn't even hurt at all. The bit of the video were I fell down in pain was all for show so that Philip didn't feel weak and pathetic.

 The rest of the video was just a bit of fun, except this is the only video that left me with actual injuries; a burst blood vessel in my belly button (random I know), a disgusting yellow bruise on my stomach (which there are no photos of as I do not want to arouse the female passions in a flaming fireball of desire), a very large welt on my rump (also no photos as that would be distasteful) and just a general tender torso which meant I had to avoid all touchy feely people for a few days. 

The three man catapult and bubble wrap has given me an idea for public safety video so hopefully that will be coming your way in the near future. I also have a few experiments I want to test, which more than likely will mean the french guy will return.

There genuinely was a balloon in the catapult and we have absolutely no idea were it went to. There was no spray of water or an evidence of it, it just disappeared. CREEPY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH (ghost noise)

Many thanks to Conor for lending me his video camera and "go pro" (the camera you attach to your head, Stratforders will know what I'm talking about) as this allowed me to hopefully make the video's less static i.e. more than one camera angle.

THE GO PRO

Wednesday night, I was innocently playing badminton. When I left the hall and went to get in my car at approx 11.45 I was shocked to see it covered in cling film. However the joke is on the jokers, it wasn't even a hassle to me, I opened the door and it pretty much all fell off, in saying that, the vasaline on the door handle was highly irritating as I was too tired to whip it off when I got home and forgot about it the next morning resulting in me getting another handful of lube. Fair play on that one. I have a pretty good idea at who it was that did this act, but I'm going to be the bigger person and not retaliate (I know who did it, I will hunt you down and kill you). 

I can't think of anything else to say, so that's all from me today

Aproveitar o verão

xox